A Step Into The Unknown
by Natalie Fee
First published in Kindred Spirit Magazine in 2007
A year and a half ago, in a field in East Sussex, I saw a man standing in a meadow. Dressed in white, up to his knees in wildflowers and in the middle of what looked like a dynamic energy practice. I’d practised yoga, t’ai chi and chi gong, but this was unlike anything I’d seen before. I watched him for a while, rhythmically moving his arms, co-ordinating movement with his breath, and I knew I had to find out what he was doing.
I approached him after he’d finished. We started talking and he began to tell me about the exercise he’d been doing. It was called ‘Falling Lightning’, and was just one of a number of practices he’d learnt on a course called the Energy Awareness Training. He went on to explain that when practised facing a particular direction, Falling Lightening would bring more energy into an area of his life. I was already a bit lost at this point, so happily he agreed to tell me more. So we sat in the meadow, with the sun shining high, and carried on our conversation.
He pulled out a pen and paper from his bag and drew an 8-pointed star. On each point he wrote a compass direction, and then for each direction wrote a corresponding energy. East was health, West was creativity, North was work & career and so on. He continued to explain that we all receive these eight energies, or ‘Life Ki’s’ from the specific directions, and how much of the energy we receive depends on the energies within us. By practising Falling Lightening facing South-West, he was beckoning more partnership ki, or life energy, into his life.
This was a complete revelation to me. I had no idea these life energies existed as something flowing from somewhere, and not only did they exist, but they could be harnessed and used! I’d heard before that feng shui used the directions in the home to improve certain areas of the home-owners life, but never before heard someone explain how that could be possible.
Inside I was jumping up and down with excitement and I knew that a new way of experiencing the world was about to dawn. I’d been shown a door, and I couldn’t wait to open it.
I asked him if he’d teach me the practice. He was reluctant, as it was only a small part of the weekend training he’d taken, and if I wanted to see the bigger picture I’d have to take the training myself. He explained that if I wanted more money, for example, and started practising Falling Lightening facing South East to beckon more wealth, then I would be acting on my desires, which may or may not be what I really need. If I took the training I’d learn how to sense which direction my energy, or spirit, needed me to face. In essence, I’d be handing over the steering wheel from my mind to my heart. Perhaps I would test positive on facing Northwest, to bring more helpful people into my life, which could in turn, bring an opportunity to make more money (thus resolving a lack of wealth ki). I started to understand that it may not simply be a matter of getting more of what I want, but learning to identify what it is I really need.
Despite what he’d told me, I still didn’t want him to go without teaching me the exercise! He eventually gave in, on the condition that I’d call the couple in the Pyrenees who ran the Living With Energy Awareness Training within the next few weeks. I agreed. Ten minutes later, I had a new practice, a drawn on piece of paper and his phone number! I thanked him for taking the time to sit with me a while and share his experiences, and we went our separate ways… I was later to find out that at the time I first saw him he had been doing Falling Lightening facing South-West, beckoning more partnership ki into his life. It had worked, as we later became lovers!
Weeks passed, and each morning that summer I practised Falling Lightening. I forgot my agreement to call about the training.
That September, I went on a workshop in London, which promised a new way of healing long-standing health issues. On the first morning, at registration, a beautiful old lady with flowing long grey hair made a bee line for me. I’d noticed her the moment she entered the room. We introduced ourselves, me, a 28 year old wanting to heal a hernia, and her, a 78 year old, wanting to heal a cancer. To say we hit it off is an understatement. It was like two best friends meeting again after years apart. Rather conveniently we were asked to pair up for the days programme, so we spent the rest of the day together.
Over lunch together, I noticed her doing something strange. When I asked if she needed me to get her bag from the cloakroom, she looked over at the queue, did something with her hand, paused briefly, and then said “No thanks!”. I asked her what an earth she was doing! She explained that she’d used an energetic test, to see if she needed anything from the cloakroom. And she didn’t! Once again, my curiosity exploded and I asked her to tell me more. All she was doing, she went on to say, was tuning into her energy to see if it went up or down when making a decision. She continued to explain that every choice we make, be it what to eat, who to see, where to go – has an effect on our energy. It will either make our energy go up (ascend) or make it go down (descend). She went on to demonstrate with the miniature feast we had spread before us on the table. Forming a hand position (which from my yoga training I recognised as a mudra) she looked at the different foods, then turned to me and said “yes to bread, olives and humous, no to the sprouts”. I felt the same excitement in me that I’d felt in the meadow some months before.
Here was someone showing me that there was a way to actually experience how my energy responds to something I’m about to do. I expressed my enthusiasm over her developed sense of awareness. But I thought she must be ‘one of those people’ who are naturally able to sense and perceive energies. At that time, I was always wanting to make the ‘right’ decision but forever getting lost in my head in the process (some might say I was indecisive!). So naturally I was delighted to watch her make a choice based on her energy, and not on what she was thinking! That was a gift I wished I had. I told her how much I’d love to be able to do what she just did. “Well you can learn it darling!” she replied. “It’s this wonderful man in the Pyrenees, him and his wife come to the UK and give the most amazing trainings. I’m in my seventies, and have been into these things for over 40 years, been on more workshops than I can remember, and he’s the best I’ve seen.”
Suddenly it dawned on me that I was hearing about the very same couple I’d heard about in the meadow! I couldn’t believe I was hearing about them again! I told her about my experience early that summer, and asked her if they gave trainings in Brighton, which included a practice called Falling Lightening. With a huge smile on her face she said “Yes! There you go. You’ve heard it twice – now take the training!”
Needless to say, the very next week, I called Stephen and Lynda Kane, and booked myself onto the next Living With Energy Awareness Training (LWEAT).
As I sit here at my desk, eighteen months on from my first training with Stephen & Lynda, I feel different. It’s been a subtle transformation, nothing radical has happened, yet I feel radically different. For over a year I’ve been making decisions based on my energetic needs instead of my wants. This hasn’t been easy to do. And I’ve battled time and time again over whether testing what to drink actually makes any difference. But it does, and the more I live being guided by my spirit instead of my head, the more I see.
Learning to ‘test’ my energetic response to a decision is one of the things I learnt on the training. The more ascending choices I make, the more energy I have, and the brighter my life becomes. So even the smallest of decisions (like testing what colour top to wear this morning) can increase my awareness energy. A wonderful thing about making decisions based on my energetic needs is that it’s full of surprises. Once I was testing whether to go to see a movie with some friends. I’d been wanting to go for ages, and when I got a ‘no’ to going, I was annoyed. I decided to trust my test and stay at home. Low and behold, an hour later, I got a call from an old friend who was in the area, and who desperately needed help and somewhere to stay the night. I was delighted to hear from her, as I was living in deepest darkest Wales at the time. Had I gone to the cinema, I wouldn’t have been able to help her.
Three years ago I went to see a clairvoyant. He could see that in two years time I’d be training in something, but it didn’t involve certificates or qualifications. He said the best way to describe it was that I’d be developing my intuition to the degree that I’d be able to sense the small stuff, like whether or not it was the right time to hang out the nappies on the line. It seemed like an obscure thing to hear at the time, but exactly two years later, having forgotten all about the reading, I found myself on a weekend course learning to do just that! There I learnt how to test my actions, and this gave me one of the most empowering gifts I’d ever been given – the power to make conscious choices.
Suddenly it was up to me.
There’s a lot more to energy awareness than testing my actions. Each day (well, most days!) I go for a Power Walk. This technique, also taught on the LWEAT, is a powerful yet simple way of releasing certain restrictive energies from my past. I can Power Walk to leave past sorrow behind, or anger, or past loves… to mention a few. And the lighter the load of the past becomes, the more energy I have to be in the present. Just this afternoon, as I stopped at the end of my drive to feel which way my energy was flowing (another learnt technique!), I noticed it was going in the opposite direction to where I wanted to go. I wanted to head to the river, but my energy was heading towards the shops. Reluctantly I followed it. I’ve not yet mastered the ability to always accept the spirit in my life with a smile! A few houses down the road my energy swung to the left, and there, on a fence post, was my favourite woolly hat that I’d lost some days previously! I’d been searching high and low for it, and had I followed my head instead of my energy, I’d still be wondering where it was!
Now movies, nappies and woolly hats may all seem like pretty minor events, but I’ve also had to make some big decisions using my energy awareness.
As I mentioned, I was living in Wales in 2005, and had broken up with my son’s father. To keep the peace and to keep things simple I decided to stay in Wales rather than return home to the south coast of England. Life was challenging for me, everything seemed like a struggle. As time went on and my awareness grew, I realised that once again I was following my head, and not my heart. A technique from the LWEAT enables me to experience how much energy I am receiving from the sky. Depending on what my needs are, certain ‘skies’ give me more energy. Put simply, some places are better for me than others. And, as I suspected, I was not receiving the energy I needed from the sky in Mid-Wales. I tested, and found a ‘positive sky’ in Southampton. So I had a tough choice, stay in Wales and keep the family ‘together’, or move 5 hours away to suit my energetic needs. It wasn’t easy but pretty soon I felt like I had no choice. I was starting to see that if I really wanted to change, to be free of the fears that hold me back, then I’d have to start following my spirit. And as it turned out, moving to Southampton was the best move I made that year.
So what’s the point of all this? Why bother to test whether to have a coffee or a herbal tea? Why spend time testing what colour clothes to wear? Or what movie to see? Why does it matter? Personally, I recognised a long time ago that there were many aspects of myself that didn’t seem like me. I always felt there was a more real version, hiding under layers of other people’s beliefs. So I started my journey of discovery. Many workshops, courses, and gurus later, I still felt like I was facing the same issues again & again & again. I’d go on a course, it would gloss over the issue in question – fear, lack of self-love, etc – and I’d leave feeling fantastic. But the issues were still there. I didn’t feel like they were actually being transformed. The past 18 months have shown me, all be it with a lot of effort, that real change is possible. In order to go beyond our karmas, and enter into the realm of who we really are, we need all the awareness energy we can get.
This is why the small stuff counts as much as the big stuff. Each ascending choice that we make has a positive impact on our future. And these choices generate an accumulation of energy that gives us the strength to face and transform our karmas into higher awareness.
It’s not a matter of worrying whether or not I’ve made the right decision, its about learning to recognise what it is that I need to do now. I feel like I’m only just beginning to truly see the alchemy in each moment. Doing what I need to do from moment to moment turns karmas into awareness, lead into gold.
First published in Kindred Spirit Magazine in 2007.
Natalie Fee is an author (The Everyday Alchemist’s Happiness Handbook, Findhorn Press, 2012), broadcaster and environmental campaigner based in Bristol, UK. She founded City to Sea in 2015 to help stem the tide of marine plastic pollution. www.nataliefee.com / @nataliefee